The ₹ise!!

The world around us is an amazing place, poised with infinite flat plains, astonishingly vast stretches of rocky rugged reliefs and the unfathomably glorious giant composed blue oceans. With the merger of its colleague called “Nature” it gives life to an immeasurable expanse of bio-diversity flora fauna and uncountable amazing creatures, and human is by-far the most remarkable design. A spicy blend of emotions, creativity, natural intelligence, self-growth, and adaptability, is what produces the animal called human-manav-manushya. Now allowing myself to proceed towards more important issues of life than to get involved in histories of lost time, I introduce to you a brief encounter of what we call “Human Nature”. Yes the very nature responsible for providing you more pain when your friend secures top position and you stand last, than when he had failed.

Now you may think what brings me in this handsome early-monsoon weather to talk about HUMAN NATURE, while I could have enjoyed Sajini (Jal-the band) on my guitar… The answer to this is that there is a force…a leverage…a sort of  pressure exerted upon me by a white mammal. This mammal was born brown but time has taken its toll and now the mammal is white, white as milk, white as Neil Nitin Mukesh. And he is not alone, for there is a complete army of them. All pure white with their looks but jet black with their deeds. White as Dalai lama, but black as Barak Obama. Explaining the riddles and sliding the curtains allow me to reveal my mammal, my protagonist…..Palaniappan.

What? You didn’t recognise him? Arree, he’s our home minister! Presenting before you, Mr Palaniappan Chitambaram. Yes Mr. Chitambaram, our pure white Harvard mammal, white as Neil, compelled me to talk about human nature. He says that middle class people can spend ₹20/- for a Vadilal or Creambell but cannot digest a ₹1/- rise in grain prices. At this moment enters Human Nature… the argument may seem to be correct on both the sides(Have a look..).

Middle class: We got that brother-in-law elected. We brought him in power, was it for this that, that brother-in-law could raise prices every now and then and could dance on our heads??

PC: Middle class justifies ₹20/- but condemns ₹1/-! Idiots!

For a momentary period this two sided argument may induce you to think that both are correct on their parts(Leaving aside my smart readers who do not get persuaded by Middle class nor by home ministers).

But I assure you will not return empty handed from this page, for since I have raised this double sided argument, I will even proceed to solve it.

Imagine a middle class who proceeds to enjoy a Vadilal or Creambell or Amul after a satisfying dinner…interrupts…interrupts…interrupts…I am sorry but allow me to rewind the scene a little bit for my wacky imagination is preventing me to proceed further. So the rosy fingered child of morning, “Dawn” has arrived straight from heaven and now he is proceeding towards MC(Middle class)….. What?...

So MC gets up in his bed, moves towards Washroom, switching off fans. Inserts the tooth-brush in his mouth and allows the bucket to get filled. Gets prepared for office, eats his oat meal and leaves in his car. In office, before lunch he is encountered with his colleague, and let me grab the opportunity to quote the conversation…

“Hey MC no. 1!”

“Hi ya MC no 2, Whach ya up to man?”

“Nothin much buddy, Whach ya doin tonight”

“Din thought of it, Why?”

“Say what, lets eat McD”

“McD then it is babe…..”

He then proceeds towards his lunch. After a day full of tiredness he returns home at 7pm, gets changed and leaves for McD. After eating tikkis and Aaloos comes the CLIMAX!!

Now he proceeds towards the ice cream(THE mighty softy!). MRP ₹10/- takes two-pays ₹20/-, but is asked for ₹3/- more! He questions what for, comes the deadly reply which he cannot argue……VAT sir!

But but…I don’t have change! I’ve a ₹100/- note! Don’t worry Sir, we have plenty of change(thinks: brother-in-law VAT… will get my ₹100/- note OPENED!!!!)

And finally he returns to home in his car and retires for bed.

Now finally after all that relentless efforts of my idiotic brain I reveal the motive behind the above story-telling. When Chitambaram points me that I am a useless idiot who criticizes ₹1/- rise and refuses to show slightest of resistance on paying for a ₹20/- ice cream, I want to tell him that YES I have my right to protest against the rise! And I have attained that right every day and every moment. From getting awake in morning, and switching off the fans and lights before I leave my room, for you(PC) and your state govt. raise the price of electricity unit up to ₹4.35/connection/month, and are still unable to provide 24x7 electricity facility in entire state. From preventing myself to let go any drop of water wasted, for you are again absorbed in investing up to ₹35/- lakh/building in commodes but nowhere comparable in providing water facilities(Leave aside your planners, who plan greatly for themselves, Remember Reverend Montek Ahluwallia quoting that “what got into toilets is PLANNED EXPENDITURE!!”). From the self-explanations that I give on increased prices of sugar that I use to sweeten my equally costly milk and  heat them over my stove which consumes a gas that rises suddenly by ₹50/- or so, to a not so luxury car which consumes an oil that grows like anything…anything to an unexpected ₹8-₹9/- all of a sudden! (allow me to quote Reverend Montek sir again: ”Either raise diesel prices or tax diesel cars. Ha Ha !!”) So that neither am I left with a car nor with an oil. Then finally paying more on pulses, rice, grains you(PC) try to cheat me with an ice-cream? So Answer me why do you take 15% VAT on a 31/7^th filled ice cream cones?

Robbing me from the start of my day  you steal me of all my money every day every moment with complete Planning! Make me pay more every new week in one or other different item. The more I try to save the more you plan to make me expend. If this had been a mere ₹1/- rise, Middle class all over India would have appreciated you but this is a disguised increase, a mere depiction of the unstoppable increases that you impose on what not items, that too with a frequency even defeating vibrations of a Nokia Lumina. And finally concluding with the Human Natures of white Harvard mammoths, MCs, and Planners, my gentle reminder to you(PC), that less than half filled softies not more than ₹8/- worth(even though I pay ₹10/- + ₹1.5/-VAT per piece) are not eaten every day, but rice and other grains are everyday necessities.

Our ministers should realize that they are not raising merely the price of rice but many commodities which come into everyday use. See even if an average family eats 6 kgs of rice in a month it would merely cost them ₹6/- extra, but the increase is seen on all commodities such as gas(usually ₹50/-) petrol, sugar, milk, pulses, flour, and we pay extra on these items every day. Just for helping you to get an estimate, even if you drive 520 kms in a month, that too on a 2-wheeler giving you a mileage of say 40 kms/ltr(cars give much less) then you are made to pay around ₹110/- extra(considering around ₹9/- hike in petrol). And this hike is for all sections of a society(its not that the lower sections are being provided subsidy by government hence they are the most severe hit). If a state decides to shift their revenue burden on commodities other than necessities then they can remove state taxes imposed upon petrol, which can reduce fuel prices by ₹5-₹6/-(This step has been taken by Manohar Parrikar(CM Goa state) in Goa where the prices are around ₹36/- per litre.)

The government should realize that we are not upset on a mere ₹1/- rise but on this collective scenario of inflation and reducing growth rate which is affecting us in form of a disguised ₹1/- rise!

This is my courteous attempt to illustrate a current situation in economy. I am sure my perception and attempt to present it with the help of this article will offend many of you, as you would be supportive to the home minister’s statements. Several of you can easily ask me, that although public will not be burdened by a mere ₹1/- rise but the revenue collected by the government with this ₹1/- rise would be huge, that would ultimately help the ailing government and country. To this argument I am ready to explain the reality that persists, and how efficiently that revenue generated will be used, and I would love to explain it but if someone of you enquires. I welcome you to share with me your counter views, and I will try to correct my mistakes.

Thank you for reading.

Regards!